sick. but alive.
6:44 PM
Dang.3days.
of school.
I spent at home.
Sleeping off the drowsiness.
Pretty zonked out.
from sleeping too much.
sometimes, i just wanna go to school to waste time.
well, more conducively than being a couch potato at home.
not that i watched any tv programmes.
there is nothing that could interest me anyway. stupid kids shows only my sister watches.
I feel conflicted.
Btn something i have always wanted and something that just occurred to me.
Dang these internal conflicts.
should i still continue?
Will it be a wasted effort?
I hope not.
i wasted quite a few years on this alr.
Maybe
Just maybe,
i might want to try something new
but like all cowards, which i seem to be,
the unknown and the path less used frightens me.
Being special requires courage to take the path less trodden.
but what happens when i dunno where to find that strength?
tsk tsk.
i'll let you know when i know the answer.
for now.
i need to read richard again...
7:32 AM
That is the undiluted, truest opinion of mine.
It's an awesome story.
It has an even more awesome Dream.
It has superceded the value and identity of 'Paris'
It is something more.
Something Better.
it Wouldn't be Easy.
but it'll be Worth it.
Every stubborn inch of it.
i'm back
5:45 PM
after a long hiatus.Geez
I should like make an effort to post...
Happy BirthdAY 5TH OF May woman.
You are getting older.
Pls go IR and upgrade your brains.
Serangoon is not into me.
It is into someone else.
Pls let this register on your brain and sink in.
Folded stars yest until my fingers hurt...
all cause of the woman...
And i didnt revise yest too...
guilt ridden.
G is coming to my place tonight.
I can finally clear some doubts for econs.
Have been back tracking for assignments nowadays.
Need to press my turbo button now to study...
This year is both long and short.
I can't stand this...
darn my weirdness sometimes.
BTW, the school got crowded again today.
the babies are back to hoard my space and silence.
I feel like stuffing toilet rolls into the big mouths.
I am pyschotic today.
Must be the over sleeping yesterday night.
slept too early so now i am cranky.
eating too much sleeping too much youtubing too much.
homeworking not enough revising not enough paying attention to lecturers not enough.
Basically not doing justice to my intelligence and holistic learning in life.
Return Due to SOMEbody's pestering
7:12 PM
haha...i am back due to popular demand...
more like M.'s demand...
lol
she is super irritating
I studying like the good girl i am
she comes and disturb
and pls
she got Prelims can...
mine is like Promos and it s guarenteed pass somemore...
I only study to like top the level or something like that...
haha...
it;s a nice dream to have...
which is next to impossible with all the scholars ard...
plus... i got LIT...
how can score...
Dun fail can thank god alr...
hehe
Anyways... today is Discovery fiesta... i alr completed my one and only course for today.
Beautifying my photos.
in short... photoshop for idiots.
hee...
then Break from 10 to 12.30 Waiting for literati programme to start...
Geee. then i go home sleep eat slack study...
Life's great...
30 more days of study hell thn i am cleared for the year alr...
hehe..
dont be jealous.. it was time exchanged or time...
kay i crap enough alr.. see you 1 month later... after my exam.
finally...
7:14 AM
haha.I am finally ready to return....
To penning my thoughts once again...
here
lol...
been very insecure lately???
been thinking a lot lately
Too much actually.
I feel old... darn it...
age is such a touchy subject with me...
Gee.
imagine my mom's face when I bring up this subject... o.O
haha.
but really.
time flies.
i am almost there already.
that time in life when the impact of each life decision starts to weigh on me.
really.
those who know me.
Be it know/know/'know'
would never believe what I think i feel sometimes...
maybe it is because i don't like verbalizing my feelings?
because i believe that everyone has their own sh.it in life...
I shan't add mine to the pile.
Not when I don't feel like i'm out of breath.
Yet.
I have been thinking what i really want.
out of my life when 50-60 years down and i look back,
I wouldn't be looking at only the pitstops.
but at the peak of the race.
Pardon my alll-over-the-place thoughts.
it really tells a lot about my state of mind....
haha.
I have been wormed up at home this month.
half studying, half thinking...
perhaps my subconcious has reached a conclusion of the 'thinking', but it just hasn't hit home through my thick skull.
I guess it's just a conflict...
There are 2 things i want.
the first has been my aim all along.
and it just occurred to me that i might want the second instead.
I don't know if i am being whimsical,
but i do know that i probably can't enjoy 'the best of both worlds'
which means i have to choose.
my brain cells are working overload to convince me the first is the best.
the stupid thing that pumps blood and 'gives life' is leaning to the second...
da.mn...
i have to admit i feel lke a freakshow drama queen but that's what i feel...
painful but true...
i hate pain...
i don't want pain.
but i guess life's a painfilled journey...
to quit being 'emo'( I think this is better described as sorting out my feelings in black and white)
My exams are upcoming...
65 rank points here i come.
Perfect score Math. sobs... in the heat of the moment bet... da.mn...
i need to control my mouth...
orientation09
4:03 AM
crap.utter crap.
the P is going about with the same story told to us like twice last year.
seriously
the way P goes about the address makes me wanna puke.
it is soooo fake.
the academics...
yada yada yada... crap crap crap.
the school is going to the dumps.
This place isnt going to get into the range of the top 5 in my lifetime,
which by the way, I hope is long enough.
Just forget it.
It's the students that makes the college.
But unfortunately, they forgot.
The teachers are the ones that will aid the students to success.
And Guess What?
The good teachers are all leaving.
Why?
Because of the P sitting in the office happily at the top of the FOOD Chain.
what is a food chain?
it is what we call the decision making levels.
and students are right at the bottom.
Our rights dont matter.
We are just there to get good grades and let the school show off our hard work and lure stupid ppl to enrol here.
whatever.
this place is so screwed, it probably doesnt know its own capabilities and handicaps.
but the silly thing is.
I AM 1 OF the IDIOTS who chose to come to this freaking place and SCREW MY LIFE UP.
haha. funny.
not.
To PPL who thinks of appealing IN, for your health, i hope you fail.
To PPL who thinks of appealing OUT, HURRY before its too late get get your butts stuck here like some of us.
Especially those who can make it to the TOP 5 jcs. GO. GO NOW. This is not the place you want to be in.
its a shout out. A reflection of the ppl in this place now.
good luck and good riddance....
feeling like my wings have just been torn away
unable to fly
it hurts
stuck
new mini computer
6:38 AM
haha,using my new mini com now,
it's actully, nokiaN810 la.
still fidddling around with its comtrols.
nva go school today.
not going tml either.
somehow i dont feel interested in school events now.
anyways. CHEERS to RV Bdiv netbell girls for winning the match against NY 2 days ago.
though i dont know how the match today went.
ok.
thats all for updating tonight.
ps, G, i got webcam now haha:)
sadness
4:43 AM
finally. sorry for being out for so long.many things happened and i just felt too lazy.
something sad happened.
cried... who wouldn't?
but oh well
its over
and its time for me to start all over again.
still feeling hard to accept.
Dun be angry if i avoid ppl now.
Pls give me time.
I will get better.
For now just let me recall how to smile geniunely.
for now.
just let me be.
I broke a promise.
Let me just feel guilty for awhile.
I will come back, better and more durable.
Time.
Pls dont spam me if i don't update so often now.
I am searching for ways to adapt.
Everything just feels very strange.
just let me be.
Holiday Schedule...
11:14 PM
OctFridays:( --> Council Activities Days…
21st Oct to 25th Oct :( -->PW…
Nov
Fridays & Saturdays:( --> Pending Should be Council Preparations for Grad Nite 08
1st Nov :( --> SAT Exam
5th Nov :( --> OP...
12th Nov :( --> A Levels CSC…
13th to 26th Nov :) --> Tentatively should be in HK with Siyi…
24th to 29th Nov :( --> CRAZY FINAL PREPS FOR GRAD NITE 08 On 1st Dec
Dec
1st Dec-->Grad nite
24th Dec:) -->CHRISTMAS PARTY!!!
22nd Dec-->Mother BDAE
I KNEW iT
7:19 AM
i sooo know itI am going to fail
ALL MY SUBJECTS!!!
I was like having such a hard time in the exam la
T.T
WTD!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
What if the P dun let me PR-----
I cant even bear to type it la
gg
am i loing my mind????
SOMEBODY HELP MI
WTD!!!!
PANIC ATTACK
I am left with CSC TML LE
CAN I make it or break it???
it isnt actually very difficult
just very broad in CONTENT
not exactly a common h1 to take
wth
i shall not waste time but go back to my mugging
AL IS MINE
6:40 AM
muahahahai love my life,
i just made sy vomit blood for everyday of the past week:)
By Going For Math Lecture..
haha
sorri la,
my class Band 3 de, so in lt2 with DEAR nb5
haha
then he just happen to sit Behind my class
so i can convienently sit With Him:)
haha
too bad your class too smart, Band 1 de
inside CC with nb1...
sad life
then your breaks all nva see dear nb 5 somemore,
how i PITY your Life!!!!
haha
rocs:)
kay, going to edit my I&R for LSK...
bb
PROMOS
2:36 AM
lalalalala...done gp revision(Dun ask how. I just like revising Gp..:P)
but every other subject is still semi untouched....
a bit of history here, a bit of econs there....
VERY worried about my math...
Dun know what the crap is chapter 12 and 13 abt la...
Although my every other topic is just coping alright.
But forgot how to do sequences and series le la...
T.T
NO TIME LA...
Den my mom keep pestering me to go out with her...
like she dunno my promos coming...
Must Bi Men Jing Xiu le la...
She like dunno la...
Kay la...
just a quick update, in case SoMeBoDy decided to pop into this place and SPAM my cbox abt me not posting :P
its back. lets just hope it lasts
8:07 AM
My birthday.not much but i had a semi great day.
Got my Ferox Bear from Josh, but it seems as if it caused conflict btn him and nb 3 haha.
then got a cake from my classmates.
really cool
got spam smses from frends and relatives well wishes.
haha
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE CARE AND CONCERN.
but wait i was just getting to the high light.
I got 17 pieces of candy from CANDY.
then Nb1 decided to join in the fun and give me 17 pieces of the similar sweet except in STRAWBERRY flavour...
I am not trying to complain but you know how much i abhor cough syrup...
YOU HAD TO GIVE ME SWEETS THAT WERE IN THAT DIGUSTING FLAVOUR.
and make me finish all by the end of the day????
I mean Candy's caramel flavour was great i polished off almost 3/4 of it le.
But the strawberry the i didnt even want to touch la.
THANK YOU really, but i am really Fearful of the taste!
yup yup.
Oh and my CAKE!!!!
it was SOOOOOOOO cool!!!
They bought a rectangle butter cake and piled ice-cream, mashmellows biscuits and chocolate sauce on it!!!
Simply Heaven!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
To EVery one !!!
Even those who said happy bdae to me too!!! >.< :)
haha,
i need to go slp le..
very very very umber tired...
but hey at least the dance is turning out to look somewhat in shape le
KEEP IT UP 31st!!!!!!!!
Its our show lets make it a good one!!!!
Rest well to all! :)
he says he's so in love
he's finally got it right
i wonder if he knows he's all i think about at night?
but its alright.
all i need to know is he's being loved the way he deserved...
getting on my nerves
7:16 AM
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.its getting on my nerves.
why cant we just perform at the level we should be at?
It isnt impossible.
I know it isnt
But what is WRONG!!!!
Why cant we just do it right?
is it cos we arent trying hard enough?
I dun think so
I see how much we want the success.
But why is it that we arent transferring our feelings to actions???
Not everyone is a dancer.
But there are ways to look good on stage.
Why cant we just try and do our best?
Is it the coaching being too stiff?
Are we teaching things the wrong way?
Is it very confusing???
WHAT IS WRONG!!!
so much to do, yet so little time..
can we succeed and pull this off?
i know i should not doubt our capabilities but sometimes it is just so hard to keep the faith.
your stupidity is ridiculous
7:09 AM
really.its so blatent.
now that i know
you really need to rethink your life and you reason for existence.
seriously
there is a limit to stupidity for 16 going 17 year olds
and i am not talking abt me
really.
if you are reading this,
reflect
it might just be you
poeple are annoyed
and they wont really care about how you feel if you continue this way.
I wont follow the crowd.
But i wont side you either.
I am on my own stand
i have no obligations to anyone but myself. its my life afterall
think.