finally...
7:14 AM
haha.I am finally ready to return....
To penning my thoughts once again...
here
lol...
been very insecure lately???
been thinking a lot lately
Too much actually.
I feel old... darn it...
age is such a touchy subject with me...
Gee.
imagine my mom's face when I bring up this subject... o.O
haha.
but really.
time flies.
i am almost there already.
that time in life when the impact of each life decision starts to weigh on me.
really.
those who know me.
Be it know/know/'know'
would never believe what I think i feel sometimes...
maybe it is because i don't like verbalizing my feelings?
because i believe that everyone has their own sh.it in life...
I shan't add mine to the pile.
Not when I don't feel like i'm out of breath.
Yet.
I have been thinking what i really want.
out of my life when 50-60 years down and i look back,
I wouldn't be looking at only the pitstops.
but at the peak of the race.
Pardon my alll-over-the-place thoughts.
it really tells a lot about my state of mind....
haha.
I have been wormed up at home this month.
half studying, half thinking...
perhaps my subconcious has reached a conclusion of the 'thinking', but it just hasn't hit home through my thick skull.
I guess it's just a conflict...
There are 2 things i want.
the first has been my aim all along.
and it just occurred to me that i might want the second instead.
I don't know if i am being whimsical,
but i do know that i probably can't enjoy 'the best of both worlds'
which means i have to choose.
my brain cells are working overload to convince me the first is the best.
the stupid thing that pumps blood and 'gives life' is leaning to the second...
da.mn...
i have to admit i feel lke a freakshow drama queen but that's what i feel...
painful but true...
i hate pain...
i don't want pain.
but i guess life's a painfilled journey...
to quit being 'emo'( I think this is better described as sorting out my feelings in black and white)
My exams are upcoming...
65 rank points here i come.
Perfect score Math. sobs... in the heat of the moment bet... da.mn...
i need to control my mouth...
